I find myself still in the middle of the pandemic of 2020 right along with everyone else in the world and I have struggled this year with knowing how to be me during this time. I am a family first mom and also a new gramma that has been kept distant from family, a planner who can’t plan, a goal setter that suddenly feels paralyzed, a people person who loves to travel and can’t, I find my own motivation through helping others and the opportunities to be around people is almost non existent this year. I enjoy the energy created in a yoga class or spin class and the energy of being around the gym and this virus has made these places and contact with others not feel as safe so I have chosen to stay home to workout. My “normal” personality and way of being hits road block after road block but I keep climbing over, going around, finding any way possible to stay positive and healthy. It has been a roller coaster of emotions for me in 2020 so far, and covid-19 pandemic has turned on the tears. I was never much of a crier but can’t say that anymore, I cry at the drop of a hat anymore and I really believe it is actually a sign of some good things happening for me.
Through the tears and the waves of emotions one thing is becoming more and more clear. This year of virus and illness has carried me through to the slowness and awareness of myself I wasn’t aware I was missing. I am more aware and find that I am looking within to find motivation and even the grace I need to be new or uncertain.
I have always been someone that cares about my health and at least somewhat fit. Like most, as a young person I didn’t eat the healthiest but I was always active and loved being outdoors. As I have gotten older and my body starting showing me the wonderful signs of aging and I was faced with the reality of its limits, I truly began to want to learn and know more about health and wellness. I look back about 7 years to being 45 which is when I would say I at least began my journey and I knew next to nothing about wellness. I had been fortunate with a very healthy life to this point and I was still very healthy. The one thing I did know was that I did not want to become someone that needed pills and medicine so it was time to start learning and get serious. At the pace of a turtle taking one step forward and two steps back, I began to get serious. The information available to us at our fingertips at all times can almost be overwhelming, is overwhelming. So, where to start was the question, it just felt like it was all such an uphill battle to become more aware and more intentional. It is seven years later and I still know so little if I am to be honest but I have gone from being a strictly soda drinker to a water and tea drinker, from almost no vegetables to more vegetables than anything else at least most days, from being a meat eater to having red meat only once a week. I have gone from yoga being too slow for me, I can’t sit that still to loving everything about the balance and peace I find in my yoga practice. I have gone from not being able to touch my toes or balance on one foot to being more flexible and balanced and it helps me in every aspect of my life. I still can’t do many poses and I am in awe of some of the yoga I see being done but I can do so much more than I could even at the beginning of this crazy year. I spent most of my life a worrier and someone who needed to feel in control of a situation and my emotions. Brought up strong but the quiet strength that even I didn’t see as strong. I am now able to let go much easier than I ever have and yes maybe still have a long way to go but truly I have quieted my overactive worrying mind. Letting go sounds like such an easy thing but it is the hardest part about the journey to health and wellness. I truly believe it starts right there at letting go.
Let go of the habits and the stories you tell yourself about who you are, let go of the limits you or those in your life have placed on you, let go of the quick fixes and the excuses, let go of the waiting for the right timing to create change. Just let go and lean into being a person that makes better choices today than yesterday. One day at a time, one moment at a time, one step at a time become someone that is creating a healthier you. My journey has been my own and it is slow and clouded in uncertainty but I am healthier in my overall wellness today than I have ever been and I hope each and every day I can continue to make that statement. My journey to wellness has brought me to vulnerability and closer friendships and I am able to see how important the people I surround myself with are. That is my goal, my new way of being me and as horrible as this year has been so far and there are so many ways I can talk about the negative of the pandemic of 2020, I am finding a healthier version of me. I smiled as I wrote that thinking of the many many things I have yet to experience with my family and friends and the most adorable smiley little boy that is my grandson. The journey through 8 months of 2020 has felt like being thrown off of a mountain but I am ready to put on my hiking boots and keep climbing. One foot in front of the other with ease and grace smiling, healthy and happy.